Phone

I'm such a chump, really.

I have this irritating habit (and I know it's irritating) of leaving my phone in another room and, for the next three hours, forgetting all about the fact that I even have a phone. Suddenly, I remember, panic and run around trying to find it.

Usually, by the time I get to it, there is a message from Buddha, "Hello Monster Deary, where are you and what are you doing?"

It is sod's law that whenever I have my phone on me, next to me, in front of me, I never get a Buddha message. And the moment I forget all about it in the next room, while it's on silent, he will message.

He must be getting exaseratingly sick of me always texting bad panicky messages,

"Sorry Rinpoche, I left my phone in the next room."
"Oh dear, hello Rinpoche, sorry, my phone was on silent."
"Oh no! I forgot my phone was in the other room."

I was thinking recently though about how much I hate hate hate having people ask me where I am and what I'm doing. I would almost ban my ex-boyfriend from asking me that question, even though he never really meant anything by it.

And surely, the Guru has better things to do than go all Big Brother on his students, constantly haranguing them about their whereabouts and movement?? Is he really that much of a control freak?

Strangely, the question has never bothered me. I hadn't even thought of it the way I did with clingy boyfriends and pesky acquaintances. With the Buddhas, this sort of question feels more like an exercise in awareness.

What are you doing? ask the dakinis and the Bodhisattvas. And, well, yes indeed: what are we doing most of the time? And is it anything worthwhile? Are we doing something that benefits? That will tangibly contribute towards something of worth? Or are we just idling and indulging our own little greedy selves again?

He has explained to us that asking for new news is not really because we actually wants to hear what we're doing (okay, so he isn't really a control freak!), but to force us also to be aware of what's going on around us, and to test how we look at and interpret situations as they happen.

Through the simple relating of new news and what we are doing, we reveal what our priorities are, what we are attracted to, what we find difficult to overcome, what we like and dislike, how aware (or unaware) we are, how analytical, gullible, vindictive, sneaky or gossipy we are.

And for the Guru to train us, all those little hang ups are just what he needs to get at to make us work through them, let go of them and emerge as lighter, clearer minds.

Sometimes, as we eagerly rush to tell him the latest gossip, or text him bitchy updates about the people we dislike, we may just as well be running around naked in front of him. With every little SMS, we strip ourselves that little bit more bare and the Guru gets deeper into the root of the problem - our problems.

And then he works on them.

And so, it's all a part of training, even telling him where you are and what you're doing. And how aware you are, in the first place, of where your phone is and whether you have messages you're supposed to reply to in a timely manner.