Exposed!

Last night, Rinpoche told me that Joeyhad written a book.

I stood there, in front of him with a tray in my hand, and did what was most natural to me. I paused, and said, "Eeeeewwwwww."

I wasn't even pretending to be disgusted but I guess it all came out very funny because Rinpoche laughed and laughed and laughed until it looked like he might burst out of his shirt.

"You're so jealous!!!!!!!!" he said, and then the rest of the evening was about how to rub it in to me that Joey had written a book and I hadn't. Yet. I so did not like Rinpoche right then.

Well, the Buddhas sure know how to hit the spot. It made me spend the rest of the night thinking about what I'd really been wasting my time on these past few months, and wondering why I really hadn't come up with a book yetl.

Earlier in the week, I had said to him that I wished all the time that if I couldn't be a liaison, then at the very least, I could be as efficient and beneficial as them.

He said, "What makes you think you can't be a liaison?"

I was trying to formulate the right answer in my head because I always want things to sound right. So I didn't say anything for ages as I came up with something intelligent and profound.

You can't trick the Buddhas though, they see right through you.

The silence, was, after all, an accurate reflection of the fact that I was caught off-guard; it showed that I had been thinking about being a liaison.

What I thought was a profound pause was only fodder for a Buddha's laugh. Rinpoche roared and said, "OH MY GOD! EXPOSEEEE! You've been thinking about this, haven't you! We know what you really want now! OH MY GOD, you're EXPOSED!!!"

I've had all my insides pulled out in the spotlight this week - all my little jealousies, and all my little dreams.

After the ribbing, Rinpoche said again, "Well, you know I'm not going to give you any hints so don't take it that way, but I'll answer you with a question: What makes you think you can't be?"

I finally answered; I gave up with trying to sound intellectual. I said I didn't think I had time management or discipline, like what JP had pointed out. I didn't even try to deny it this time - it was true after all.

Rinpoche thought about it for awhile, and then said, "No, I don't agree. I don't think so at all."

But he didn't say anything else after that so now I'm all flustered and frustrated and confused.

Still, I guess once you've been flipped inside out and you really realise that he knows you better than you know yourself, you figure it isn't even worth being flustered, frustrated or confused about.